post birthday thoughts...
after SO long... finally im blogging again...=) both happy n unhappy memories for this year's bday... BUT thank god...the unhappy thoughts turned out to be sth pleasant at last... thanks siti for everything...u r always the best! ;-) i love the edited photos =) im glad that my fellow friends still rmb my bday n sent me their greetings as usual... but again, come to think about it....when will this end? im pretty sure i'll be very sad if my frens start to forget my bday =( silly me! for no reason, i viewed my previous blog n came across a comment posted by someone...a comment that seems 'new' to me...itz either i've forgotten or i din get to read it earlier( i guess the latter possibility is more likely). upon reading her comment, i feel bad for reasons that i dun quite understand....how things hav changed n whether should this be the right way? i dunno. but if this is what god has planned to happen, i shouldn't question much n accept things as they are...everything happens for a reason... i dunno much about others...but all i know about myself is the fact that im that kind 'once biten, twice shy'. i tend to run away from ppl who has hurt me terribly. memories may fade away with time...but never the pain n heartache u've experienced during the journey of life....
a lesson 2b learned (the *hard* way)
i feel *s.a.d*b.a.d*s.a.d* (indeed)...
- *s.a.d* coz im disappointed with myself for making such a H.U.G.E mistake
- *b.a.d* coz i've caused so much trouble which leads to mimi (still) writing d report at this hour =(im feeling so-so-so helpless coz for a moment...i was totally lost! what actually made me felt d big *pang* rite on my face was the comment made by stacey ; "shouldn't a *trained* med-tech knows about the critical results of a patient?". i start to doubt my ability as a med-tech...my work for the past few months n my confidence in the future days to come.i dun actually feel better even though mimi told me to take it easy n itz *ok* coz i've been convincing myself (in a stupid way) that itz *not ok* at all =( i guess itz harder to overcome myself than overcoming others.i dunno what can make me feel (at least) better...but im thankful for the encouraging [n] consolation words given by my colleagues (2b exact; the biochem staffs - no doubt, they are always the dearest to me)
a nite to remember =)
*yippie*! itz my *last* nite in biochem...n after tonite, my nex nite shift would probably in a few mths times (in a different section). im not too sure whether itz a good/bad thing. i like doing nite shifts *sigh
there r so many things to blog...my trip...my thoughts about what happened lately n my thoughts about what happened to my fellow frens lately....but words are bottled within me, myself n 'i' =(
someone asked me whether do i feel nervous awaiting for my transfer to haematology section. my answer is no. but then again....i hav to ask myself....how things would turn out to be over there? i dislike machine, i dislike microscopy work...n y would anyone believe me when i tell them the reason i ask for a transfer is because of my interest in haematology section? *nonsense* it takes a fool to believe a fool *LoL* im gonna miss quest...alot n alot...as well as my fellow colleagues at biochem (oh well, except for a few;-)) itz true to say that sometimes after knowing someone for long (maybe it doesn't even take that long), u'll realise that the person doesn't appear 2b the someone u thought she should be. in other words, someone whom u tot can be easy-going is just someone who haven't got the chance to show her *true-colours* yet n it is definitely *more* in her than her *simple* superficial self. i hate to c the evil side of human n i hate it more to think this bad way about others. but itz just how some ppl make me feel about them *sigh
well, i wun even know when will b the next time i'd blog coz i think the last few blogs i posted were during my nite shift. wun even hav the mood to online at home coz i dun hav to check my emails (since i've oredi inactivated all my email accounts except for my yahoo mail) n i can't use my hotmail acc. to access msn. but then again, the inactivation is invalid if *someone* ever login to those accounts within these 30days. talking about my email accounts. i wonder y i just couldn't change the password for my yahoo mail..*sigh itz just yet another account to be hacked..or perhaps it has oredi been hacked since zillion years ago *duh! i wonder..n i wonder when can i ever gain back my *freedom* accessing to internet =(
for an unknown reason (o in fact, itz an obvious reason that i duwan to face), i feel this weird feeling whenever ic june. perhaps i dun really like her at the very 1st place n 2nd, she was the reason why the *someone* betrayed my trust. *someone* who is so far far away from my heart. *someone* who had never appreciate me n oso the *someone* whom i tot of whenever it comes to those stupid songs in my ipod *sigh -it takes time n i think im coping well-
-signed off @ 0506-
...
juz when i was about to blog n then my mind gone blank, i came across this song on the radio yday nite...n it almost gt me into tears =( i guess the lyrics best xplains it all...
"Almost Here" - Brian McFadden feat. Delta Goodrem
Did I hear you right
Coz I thought you said
Let's think it over
You hav been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you
Shadows bleeding thru' the light
Where a love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?
But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's
Not enough
But when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
Coz you're only almost here
I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Please protect me
Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered how it hurts
Haven't I always loved you?
But when I need you, you're almost here
(Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you)
And when I hold you, you're almost here
(Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted)
(Now I'm with you, I'm close to tears, coz I know I'm almost here)
Only almost here
my *second nite*
yeah!itz my 2nd nite n i can go home 2sleep soundly after 730am + a day off tmr =)
had been BUSY after my break till now...finally hav the time to do what i planned to do earlier ; 2 update my blog ;-) *yawnz*
plan 2take a cab home after my shift...to hav my beauty sleep coz gonna hav dinner with my *dear* tonite =) im kinda touched coz someone is actually willing to come all the way to jurong point to hav dinner with me esp when the person is not living anywhere near west area. none of my frens hav ever do this to me but insisted on going to city area JUZ BECOZ itz nowhere near my place=( but for this time round, the reason is solely becoz itz my off-nite n itz near my place *grinz* at 1st it was only a thought to suggest having dinner at jurong point, but i din expect it to be suggested b4 i manage to say anything. well, i din wan to be selfish as well. in conclusion, itz such a *warm* feeling when ppl care when u least expect them to.
n im glad that my appetite has 'shrunk' lately...itz a good sign coz it simply means im no longer depressed ;-) but too bad, my appetite seems to hav passed down to *someone* else. LoL~
after what hav had happened for the past few mths, im more convinced with the phrase stating tat 'everything happens for a reason' n 'the best is yet to come' =) sometimes, there r certain things that are never meant to be in ur life coz god knows it better than us, that He has better things in store for us... something better...something that we deserve better .... n im glad to hav this *someone* special in my life ;-)
i guess after my this blog....those who r close to me should hav a rough idea on what im hinting about what had happened to me 'lately' ;-)
*leave me alone*
*guys* are simply
o.b.n.o.x.i.o.u.s!
*if love is out of the Q*
juz when i was browsing thru' the lyrics @ azlyrics.com, one of d titles caught my attention n the title is "if love is out of the question"...whoa..the lyrics definitely brought me back to *hell* for a second...so here it goes ;
U bought me flowers n u sold me a line
U gave me compliments n too much wine
I've played that game...I know all the moves
U show emotion but u hide what u feel
U play the innocent but I've watched u steal
I rest my case....u stand accused
But I must confess I was quite impressed
U seduced me with your easy charm
And I must admit I could fall for it
But if love is out of the question
There's no point to this affection
I gotta have more than ecstasy
Make me believe
I'm all u'll ever need
Make me believe
Coz if love is out of the question
Put a little heart to your intention
I gotta have more than ecstasy
Make me believe
I'm all u'll ever need
U talk in circles when I need a straight line
U've got principles n I've got mine
We all need commitment that's all I ask
(Is that a crime?)
And I must confess I was quite impressed
I was losing to your winning ways
But I must resist there's no point to this
Coz if love is out of the question I just gotta stop
Little point to this affection I just wanna stop
It makes no sense to carry on like this
If there's nothing between us u don't know what u'll miss
No love
There's no love
Baby it's true
There's NO love
a *bad* day...
im simply *pissed*
juz when i was checking my profile @ friendster, i realised my first testimonial is *gone*
*sob.sob*
i wonder whether is it done by some *mysterious- jealous-monster* or itz the prob with the system (friendster always giv prob)
n gosh...when i was in the train heading home after my nite shift, i realised that i din log off my msn....n i gotta called back to the lab to ask *someone* to log it off for me...someone whom im not too sure whether or not to trust *him*
apart from all the bad things described above, there's another one to follow. i login to my msn n saw someone in his online mode...im not surprised that he din msg me....but plz la..not to the extent of having to go offline upon seeing me online. such *hypocrite*.*lamer*.*coward*! duwan to tok then dun tok lor, not as if i will be so thick-skinned to msg him or what. hmph! =(
well well, just when im typing *this* n thinking that nth can gets better....i receive this sms fr *someone*, that immediately put a smile on my face...im told to refer to this song 'if u asked me to' by celine dion....not too sure what it means until i check out the lyrics...whoa! so so *sweet* - thanks 'dear' =)
my *dreams*...my *thoughts*
Here's my *nite shift* again..my 1st nite =) thank god tonite is not busy coz itz a GOOD friday ;-) i had an *arguement* with someone yday...a silly arguement that made both of us upset but we managed to make things *alrite* again after our confessions that both actually care, hence the disappointment....dun u agree this statement ; "d more u care, d more u mind about whether or not the person cares back the same way"?
This is quoted from my horoscope forecast in one of my coming days :
Nobody but nobody likes to suffer. But everybody does suffer sometimes. Sometimes it's even good for you. For example, if you know you have to suffer for your art, your career, your relationship and it turns out you're willing to do it, then you know that you art/career/relationship is really worth a lot to you. This knowledge can help your determination and make it that much more likely that you will get what you want.
My opinion :
I do agree when it says if u r willing to suffer becoz of certain "thing", that means "it" means sthg to u. but whether or not the 'thing' worths the sacrifice is truly another issue. *sigh
i'm getting impatient...impatient of my future, my career, my dreams
time seems to go real slow (not really, coz it has almost been one year since i started working - that means only another a year to go!)
itz true to say that not everyone is fortunate to hav everything goes their way (as planned). well, im not sure about others but at least i know im NOwhere near the "fortunate zone".
yes, i know i know that everyone has been telling me to be patient to achieve what i want in life.
it's actually this "yet-to-be-materialised" dream that ALWAYS makes me think twice of getting myself into a committed relationship. i wish to hav someone
* who see thgs the same way as i do
* who understds my dreams n how imp they are 2me n most importantly,
* someone who believes in me that they are not just dreams!
if i were to sacrifice 'sth' in my life in order to pursue my dreams...relationship will definitely be the first to go =( here i go again. im never convinced that marriage is one of the elements that complete a woman's life. not until i manage to find *someone* who is able to change this perspective of mine, which is UNLIKELY ;-) with that, i rest my case....
in *dilemma*
what will u do if someone who seems to be the right one for u is oso someone who cannot be the right one for u? let's not make things complicated....if someone seems to be treating u all the right way...BUT
* juz too rational to allow u to be childish for even once?
* someone who dun see the importance of talking online
* someone who dun get the point when u wan him to accompany u to chat for another 15mins?
although everything seems to be fine...but somehow...there is still *sth* amiss....but again, *nothing is perfect* n i can't expect this to be an xception, rite?
i know there r many others who would accompany me to chat till dawn if ever i tell them im not sleepy. but sad to say, the *someone* i want is not included in the many ones who are willing to do that for me *sigh
perhaps itz time to differentiate between the limitation in a relationship n in a friendship? but i tot a relationship should 'comprise' more than what a friendship can give...im simply *confused*
p/s: thank god im still s.i.n.g.l.e =)
my *nite shift*
itz 3.55am right now...im glad tat i hav the time to actually blog BUT im predicting specimens to be arriving *non-stop* in the next half an hour till i finish my shift at 730am *sigh
it has been a busy nite for me n for others...busy till the extent tat i hav no time to even login my msn...no time to do my filing at 12midnite, no time to run my QC at 1am sharp. i tot my yday's shift was a bad one..din expect today 2b worse...LoL...im kinda phobia to work nite shift anymore. well again, it gotta depends on who my partner is....oh forget it...dun wanna mention who is my partner for tonite =(
i know i've *let go* of sth....*sth* tat used 2mean *alot* 2me....but rite now...im not too sure whether *it* still has any meaning in my life. i was listening to savage garden's *don't know u anymore* on my way to work. i felt *sad* for awhile, knowing tat sumtimes, when sth is over, there is no other way to deceive myself that there is still *hope*. in fact, im *happy* to hav *someone* who loves me for who i am, *pampers* me in a way tat i've never ever dream of, n the list goes on n on =)
i hav been hesitating for the past few days whether or not to apply for a transfer to haematology section. but i know i hav made the right decision for myself upon seeing the changes at *monster-land*, d *obnoxious* pressure from *someone*, ETC... although it simply means i hav to start all over again after working for a year...but y should i let go such an opportunity to fulfil my *desired* 2years working experience?
i'm *tired*
just reached home after work....yes n now the time is 9:13pmn im waiting for d bathroom 2b *vacant* so that i can take my hot shower n hav a *good* rest =)but right now...i think i need to *pour* out my inner feelings after a *long* day at worki sms someone to ask whether is he ignoring my sms since i haven't been receiving a single reply after i sent off the msg at 8+ this morning. it has already been 12 hours! then i got this long reply claiming that im thinking too much n no, he is not ignoring me and he din know im taking timings. duh! n yes, i do *time* the reply of the msgs i send off and yes, he told me that he rmb abt the promise he made abt not ignoring my sms no matter how bad things appear 2b =) * guys always claim that we think too much...but i tot itz always them who make us think (too much - too much of the unnecessary silly thgs)
for no reason, i feel like crying after reading his reply....NO, im not touched to tears....im just alil' unhappy coz i wonder y im always made to feel so unsure about what is really going on...perhaps the word 'assurance' is best fit into the pic. *assurance* is sth u feel when even if the person is not replying u or MIA, u wun feel neglected or ignored in any possible way coz u r very sure that the person has got sth to do but at the same time, always keep u close to her/his heart.my fren told me that she did something *stupid* yday n even though she knows itz wrong, but *still*, she did it. it sounds so familiar....in fact, isn't it sth that i hav always been doing? *LoLsometimes, (perhaps itz most of the time) our *rationale* tends to listen to the *heart* instead of the *mind*....but again, who can always hav a clear mind when it comes to a matter of the heart? women tend to be so weak n indecisive when it involves someone dear to her heart...a matter of *should* or *should not*....knowing that it is wrong but still doing it *again* n *again*. is this really our fault or? we r doing it out of wilfulness or itz juz one of our many weaknesses? im too tired to find out the answer coz i know itz always *easier said than done*.but one thing for sure ; a guy should *NEVER* ever make a girl feels the way she hates to feel (let alone makes her cry)
perhaps i hav to admit that no matter how bad i assume things to be, there is still a lil' space at the corner of my heart hoping for a *miracle* to happen....hoping that thgs are not as bad as i assume them 2b...n yes! im indeed waiting for my this so-called *miracle* to come true n there i'll be d happiest girl in the world! ;-)
im simply touched by wat jesslyn has done today =)
when the courier uncle gav me the parcel, i tot itz some kind of cake jesslyn bought 4me (since i complained 2 her in the morning that i was disappointed coz i tot it was cake she bought for us last sat). but later when i opened it.....it was watermelon in a container + a fork...how sweet! haha! itz really a matter of sincerity that touches our hearts instead of how expensive or luxury the gift is....BUT too bad, i left the container in the fridge at the tearoom =(
seeking for *the reason*
din manage to online for 2 days - well, not exactly 2 days....maybe only 1.5 days but it seems like ages to me. i hav to admit that i can't live without internet! i was SO SO happy when i managed to reset the router setting n there i can go online again! hooray~ thanks to my dearest cheeyan ;-) he knows me well, i will only call him when my comp system has got probs...LoL..this is what friends are for...yea?
was browsing thru' friendster n came across these pics taken by my ex-classmates during CNY.
hmph...practically, they din change much..hahaha..it's always fun to look at the 'us' now n then recall back how we looked like during school days =) there are always memories..be it bad or good....n how come i wasn't in the pics? hmph! hahaa....i was so-called sad for not knowing about the gathering..but am i really feeling that way? oops..that's for me to know n for *no one* to find out..*LoL*
met up with my ex-college mate yday...n it feels so warm to be able to meet up with someone who has been so far but always close to my heart! how time flies...it has been 6 years since the first day we got to know one another! n we hardly can believe that we r turning 24 this year! oh my~ seriously, i do give it a serious thought about what this couple told me about having difficulties in getting a *companion* when im in my late 20s. does it freak me out or....there is something else on my mind? this im not too sure =)
actually hav not been feeling 'good' for the past few days....for unknown reason
no mood to wake up, no mood to dress up, no mood to work, no mood to eat, no mood for almost everything under the sun (plus the gloomy weather today) *sigh
what's wrong with me??
i hope this is only temporary!
n most importantly, i hav to be determined to get rid of the extra f.a.t.s!
i weighed myself today n i was like 'oh my god!'....if i were to continue putting on weight in such a way, i think it doesn't take long to change my whole wardrobe coz of the SIZE!
i just don't understand why i tend to *eat n eat* when i'm upset....this is so depressing! =(
today is indeed a not-so-good day for me.
1st, i sent this stupid sms to someone i regard as 'good-friend' (but it seems like it's a one-sided thing) n we somehow got into silly misunderstands(i suppose itz a one-sided thought TOO). well, as usual i know he wun be bothered to msg n explain further...so just let it be! if my heart was to be questioned for the truth...it definitely hurts, it's disappointing too. BUT again, what else can i do?
2nd, i wish i'm able to find this 'magic potion' n put some 'green', 'old', 'horrible' monsters to sleep so that they can keep their big, fat mouth SHUT. it is simply a.n.n.o.y.i.n.g! god knows there's this typical trait of a scorpio in ME which can be more revengeful n 'spiteful' than that stupid.little.brainless.married scorpio! i really feel like giving her a big slap *piak* piak* piak* to make her awake n stop thinking that she has a 'good' friend to back her up. rubbish! i just couldn't stand 'some ppl' who can act so differently within such a short period of time JUST BECAUSE she is so naive (at that kind of age?), to think in such a FUNNY way! haiya..enuf of venting my anger here. take a deep breath n *full-stop*
btw, how does it feel to miss someone?
maybe i've long lost 'touch' with this part of emotion in me. *LoL*
i watched 'failure to launch' last sat n the one-n-only sentence that i STILL remember vividly is 'u r afraid of love'. it is simply the *perfect* phrase to describe what i've been feeling, what i've been afraid to admit. perhaps i'm seeking for a *perfect* kind of love....compatibility, chemistry n security. but does this kinda love exist? i suppose these criterias n.e.v.e.r come in a package. that's why i always feel *something* is *missing* in almost every possible relationships that i came across.
Specially to someone I call FRIEND
Her AutobiographyYeayness!! After several procastination, I decided to create this one for her, particularly to someone special whom I call, FRIEND ! Well, guess you have to start it from here, babe.
Enjoy your world of blogging!
